Category Archives: All About Love

Are You Lonely?

Everyone gets a little lonely sometimes, right? I guess that’s part of being human.

You wish for someone to appreciate you.

You wish for someone to acknowledge you.

You wish for someone to be proud of you.

I do believe that it’s human nature to look for someone. We weren’t created to be alone and you could say that it’s in our system to connect with others – whether it be friends, co-workers, and family.

At the end of the day, we just want to be noticed.

Life is hard as it is and taking it by your lonesome is a really tall order. But then again, technically we can live alone.

It’s nice to focus on yourself every now and then.

It’s nice not to be bothered by petty differences.

It’s nice to have your own little quiet time.

Wanting to be alone is as being human as wanting to be with someone. Being in solitude is also what makes us who we are.

Are you lonely? I guess we all are.

Do you want to be alone? I guess we all want that too.

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Why Do People Jump From One Relationship To the Next?

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Everybody goes through a breakup, good or bad, (okay who am I kidding, they’re all bad), the aftermath can always be tricky. There’s one thing to go through a breakup but it’s another level to see your ex with someone new. Just when you thought you got your shit together, the moment a friend tells you about it, or you see a picture online, or maybe even your ex himself will tell you that he’s with someone else, it abso-fucking-lutely sucks.

My dear cousin-friend Abby gave me this daunting question because this has been bothering her and she has obviously gone through a horrendous aftermath. Two things: One, my invented term “cousin-friend” should be a thing. Abby and I were friends in college and just before I graduated I surprisingly found out she also happened to be my second cousin. We found out when we saw each other in a big family reunion. Kudos, universe. And number two, when I say horrendous aftermath, I mean horrendous like seeing a really bad Nicolas Cage movie. Taking away the details and to cut the long story short, let’s just say that good ol Abby was on the wrong end of an extremely awkward breakup, a possible three-girl cheating extravaganza, and having his ex settling for a girl who isn’t even half as pretty as her. (Okay, maybe I’m a bit biased, but hey)

Thus the question: how does someone jump from an old relationship to a new one just like that? Some do it like they’re changing a pair of socks: use them till their dirty, throw them away, and just change the next day. Some do it patiently like waiting for the bus.

To make things easier, I’ve written this with a conversational tone of talking to a woman and not a man. Though there will be general terms I’ve decided to focus on directing this to girls. No need for an Emma Watson-type UN speech here. I’m sure both the male and the female have all experienced a bad breakup and even a worse aftermath, but since I’ve essentially written this for my cousin-friend, I’ve written it from a guy’s perspective for a girl.

So let’s go through them shall we?

1) It was already over a while back honey

Hate to say it you dear, but there’s a good chance that your relationship was over weeks or maybe even months ago. Maybe you can’t pinpoint the date exactly but maybe it was that weird time you guys were slowly drifting part. It’s hard to notice at first but try retracing the steps to where it seemed like all hell was about to break loose. Maybe it was that time you had the quietest dinner in the entire human race? Maybe it was that time he was suddenly into… oh I don’t know, horseback riding? (Because you eventually find out that his new girl is into horses) Weird scenarios but they still all hurt like crap I’m sure. The point is that your ex was probably already preparing for the inevitable. He hasn’t broken up with you sooner because he hasn’t found someone else at that time. When he finally did, you were left to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart.

2) Why jump? Just to get over the hump

Let’s say you broke up today. And then just two months later you, you open your Facebook page and then viola! Your tall boyfriend who says he was always into shorter girls just uploaded a photo with a much taller chick and in the photo they were cuddling so much together that the Care Bears themselves would puke.

What happened? Well, he probably forgot all his so-called types and non-negotiables in a relationship and just went out with someone who was literally right there in front of him. A broken heart is weak, disgusting, and in most cases, STUPID. Seriously, a troubled mind and a painful heart are like hobos in the streets. Give them a penny, food, heck, you can probably give them anything and you’ll be the best thing that’s ever happened to them on that day. Same thing applies in a relationship.

One other thing is a phrase I absolutely love: “Proximity breeds likeness.” In other words, you and your significant other like each other because it’s easier, accessible, and no stress. Think of a work friend, a classmate, a longtime college roommate, a bandmate, or whatnot. The point is that we are geared into getting a relationship with the people closest in our vicinity. Well, this is normal right? Of course! I mean, what better way to meet people than the ones staring in front of you? The problem arises when let’s say for instance you and your ex are not officemates. Let’s say you met in college, tried to make things afloat even in the real world, and then you sadly breakup. Poof. Then you hear rumors that your ex has sharks for officemates. Lo and behold that they’ve been lurking around the waters and was just simply waiting for the moment you and your man would breakup and then they attack! And of course your ex will be weak, disgusting, and again, STUPID with a capital s-t-u-p-i-d. Of course he’ll jump into a thing with one of his shark officemates. It’s just the way it is, proximity breeds likeness.

3) To get back at you for being a B

No woman is perfect in a relationship. And no man is either. Man can be vicious, inconsiderate, and downright evil sometimes. In the same way, a girl can be a bitch sometimes. (Take note of the words “can” and “sometimes”)

That being said, what if you were a B with your man? You didn’t have to be purely sadistic but you have to admit, there were times when you wish you were a bit more patient and more considerate right? What if your man just had enough and to let out his frustrations, he just went out and got someone who had less bitchy moments.

4) Wait, did he even really love you?

Love can be thrown around loosely and maybe you were just in the middle of a verbal exchange between you and your ex saying “I love you’s” You may have meant everything that you said but what if he didn’t? Or, what if his definition of love is very different from your definition? You just weren’t on the same page.

It’s difficult to comprehend and it’s a bitter pill to swallow but it’s a reality you just have to accept. Love can be cheesy, sweet, and a place of rainbows and butterflies. But there’s also a love that doesn’t grasp facts and reasons. Sometimes you just love the person… just because. It’s pure and deep. It’s innocent. It’s the kind you stay up in the middle of the night for.

Remember the first time you said those words to someone? There’s something so precious about that. There’s that feeling of you just want to get it out of your chest but at the same the struggle and stress of not being sure what the other person might reply. That inner battle is beautiful and pure, and something that no one else can understand but yourself. Saying those words shouldn’t be thrown around too easily. And in the same light, saying those three words can be too much to handle for some people.

The way you love should never be comprised or belittled for someone else’s way of loving.

5) Or you know, simply put, he is just a lyin’ cheatin’ son of a gun

Then again, it’s not your fault dear. Maybe he’s just so full of himself. Maybe he meant to hurt you maybe he didn’t, but the fact of the matter is that he did. Plain and simple. You and I know you can’t do anything about it. You and I know that we can’t change him for who he is. He’s probably in a different phase of his life: the one that doesn’t include you.

You may have not noticed the signs of his infidelity or his fears of being alone, but they were there. People don’t want to be alone and he took the necessary precautions so that when you guys eventually fall out, he wouldn’t be alone. He may have lied a thousand times but probably the biggest lie of all was him being with you. Sorry dear, tough love.

***

There can be a multitude of reasons for people choosing others. Sometimes no matter how hard we try we can’t force people for choosing us, for loving us. For what it’s worth, you shouldn’t mind anymore the reasons for him jumping from one relationship to the next. The biggest challenge is for you to gather your bearings and be comfortable being alone. I don’t believe in “jumping” into a relationship. The perfect person will just arrive when you least expect it. It’s cheesy and cliche but it’s also true.

 

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How Long Will I Love You?

How long will I love you?

As long as stars are above you

And longer, if I can

 

How long will I need you?

As long as the seasons needs to

Follow their plan

 

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What’s The Worst Breakup You’ve Ever Heard? (Part 3)

Breakups are never good, and I mean never ever never ever. Repeat 1 zijimillion times. In this third and final installment of “What’s the worst breakup you’ve ever heard?” I’m about to share in what I believe the worst story I’ve heard and oddly enough, a realization that there are worse stories out there waiting to be heard.

Again, I’m no expert in love, dating, or marriage. In fact, I honestly think I absolutely suck at this whole love business. I’m like a freakin’ turtle trying to learn how to fly. Like an African kid attempting to play ice hockey. Like a student desperately solving Grade 11 Mathematics…. Oh wait, that last one is exactly me. It’s that bad. Thus, I am no stranger to heartbreak, heartache, and whatever negative word you can attach to the word Heart. I’d like to say that I’m the only victim here, but of course not, and of course in most cases I am the one who causes the pain to people. That’s me, breaking hearts since ’88! (Cue 80’s power ballad love song here).

I know it’s been a month since parts 2 and 3. I was busy, to say the least and if you read my previous post, I was looking for words to write.

Through these entries, I’ve realized that there are people who have gone through some real shit in their relationships. Nobody should compare situations however. Your journey is your own and you shouldn’t feel too happy or too sad about your own situation when you compare it with other people. There’s always a reason why someone is going through something. Even though I do realize that there are really worse stories out there, I just want to say, I feel you and hope you’re getting better.

Anyway, here is the third and final part of “What’s the worst breakup you’ve ever heard?”

3) It was not meant to last

BACKGROUND:

Krissy and Mike were together for 4 years. Normal couple I should say. They had their share of happy moments and fond memories, and just like every other couple, they’ve had their downs, trials, and fights. But through it all, they stayed true to each other.

They got engaged and everything was pretty set at that point. It all seems like a fairytale right?

THE HOW AND THE TIMING:

Engaged and ready for marriage, it all seemed too good to be true. Call me skeptic, but somehow things aren’t always what they seem. And true enough, Mike called off the wedding because of vague reasons. They were so vague that Krissy didn’t even believe him at all. They were shallow reasons covered by fear, doubt, and cowardice.

To make matters worse, the man called it off on Valentine’s Day. It was a punch to the gut, a knife to the heart, and a goddamn waste.

THE AFTERMATH:

Courageously, Krissy got back up on her feet after months of going through sheer pain and shame. You could imagine. After months of going through the typical shit after a breakup, she decided she wanted to be better. Her aftermath story is something of a magazine story – “Girl overcomes breakup through working out.” And that’s exactly what happened. She gathered her bearings and went out and became one badass sexy chic by working out and living healthy. Trust me on this one. I saw photos of her before the breakup and she was no way near to who she is today. Today she’s a bonafide beach girl. She lived in the gym and became a total babe. All that rage, pain, and all that emotion was devoted into making a better version of herself.

***

As I was writing this particular entry, I may have heard another story that would top #3. Seriously. I was part of a training session for a client I was working for and one of the trainers, let’s just name her Marian, shared one story that made realize that I am too young and too inexperience to have my own list of the worst breakups. The story made me feel… well, to put it frankly, it made me feel that I knew nothing.

I won’t go into the details but Marian saw his man cheating after 11 years of being together. 11 freaking years. And they broke up on New Year’s Eve. What an asshole!  I’ll leave it at that I guess.

So if you’re reading this and who have gone through some sort of shitty breakup, take heart and give yourself a break. Your ex may or not be an asshole so let’s not compare stories. The point is not to feel better or worse of yourself when you hear or read about other people’s breakups, but it is about realizing that love is precious to other people. It’s special. Well, it’s supposed to be special and no one has the right to feel unwanted and unloved.

 

 

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What’s The Worst Breakup You’ve Ever Heard? (Part 2)

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Check out Part 1 of “What’s The Worst Breakup You’ve Ever Heard?”

1)      “Proximity Breeds Likeness” – The Convenient Kind Of Love

BACKSTORY:

Gail had this long relationship with her ex-boyfriend Ben. They were a cute couple to be honest – filled with youth, innocent, free, and basically everything you’d want in a young relationship. However, as in all relationships, the realities of life got to them one way or another. They met in a school organization and it could have been a fairy tale ending.

Maybe it was all too good to be true. Gail went on to Med School and Ben became an elementary school teacher after graduation. However, things got rocky from there. Gail heard rumors that Ben was seeing another girl from their organization back in school. Ben eventually assumed that Gail was always busy studying for med school. Too busy, too preoccupied, too not involved in each other’s lives were a recipe for disaster. As they fought over jealousy and lack of trust, it was clear where they were headed. But through it all, Gail remained persistent and kept the faith.

THE HOW:

Then like an unexpected train, Gail was hit with a breakup letter from Ben… in PDF format. I know, I know… what the eff right?! Talk about breakup for the new age. PDF?! You would think that a text or an email is bad, but in PDF? This is a whole new ball game. Plus this is the first time I’ve ever heard someone breakup in this particular way.

Anyway, in that ill-forsaken letter, Ben didn’t even clearly state it was a downright breakup. (I mean, if you were Gail, you wouldn’t think he’d actually breakup via PDF right? Right?!) After a hideous phone conversation to clear things up (even the breakup was over the freakin’ phone. Comown kids!), they were done. Kaput. One more time: PDF??!!

THE TIMING:

The funny thing about the timing is that it came so unexpected. Well, for Gail at least. She merely thought they were going through a rough patch and it’s just something they can work on. The Timing might not actually be a total HOF material in terms of breakup stories but The How was crazy and The Aftermath was like a scene from a bad teenage love story.

THE AFTERMATH:

Now, you would think that they probably broke up from a) the busy-ness of med school or b) the “other girl” from their org or c) just your run of the mill breakup. But lo and behold, about just a month after their breakup, Gail found out that Ben was rumored to have another girl in the mix aside from that other girl from their organization. So technically there were two other girls involved? Man oh man.

Of course, I mostly heard Gail’s side of it. But then again, on paper, it really looked that bad. Maybe it was a love of the easy kind – the kind when the going gets tough, you get going also. Who knows? Maybe the difficult schedule and the adjustments after graduation took its toll on the two. I’m not saying it was all Ben’s fault though. I’m sure there were other circumstances that led to the relationship’s demise. What’s sad though is that Ben immediately went out with another girl. Even though it was only rumored that Ben was already dating someone new when he was still with Gail, it still looked ugly because he hooked up right after they broke up. How soon you asked? Less than a month man. And another thing, Ben is currently dating a co-teacher. Well, proximity does breed likeness. Two teachers, one school, same schedule and all that, this could be a damn fairy tale then. Maybe he was thinking, “Why waste my efforts in someone who’s always busy in med school, when I can date someone within my workplace?” Maybe that was what he was thinking, then again maybe not. For all we know, it’s “true love” and all that crap.

I really saw how Gail managed (or somehow managed or somehow still managing) to fight through the pain. It was as if her emotions were exploding out of the computer screen and into my heart. The tough part is that she honestly still loves the damn fool.

Ah, the best parts of falling in love young is that very fact that you are young. Innocent, free, and more often than not, you’re not skeptical about relationships.

The story is in the Hall of Fame of breakups because of the damn PDF breakup, and the aftermath of finding out that there were possibly two other girls in the mix. Yikes.

2)      Cheating

Story number two is basically about someone cheating. Breaking up because of a cheating incident automatically gets you into the Hall of Fame nominees.

BACKSTORY:

They warned Patrick that Maria was a bad apple. She had a reputation of being promiscuous and well, being a total flirt and a bitch. (Okay I added that last part). But despite the warnings, Patrick didn’t mind all that and still tried to make the relationship work.

THE HOW AND THE TIMING:

The How is obviously the cheating part but what makes things worse is that they broke up on their monthsary. TALK ABOUT TIMING. I’m not sure if the cheating part happened on the day itself, but I think Patrick found out on that today. In any case, Maria probably cheated the day before or on the weekend of their monthsary. It’s like she grabbed his heart, threw it on the ground, and stepped on it repeatedly without remorse. OUCH. Happy Monthsary bitches! 

And oh by the way, before all this cheating business, Patrick was the team captain of a varsity team. He was good man really. A leader in every way you. And then shit got real. He was removed from the varsity team because his grades weren’t high enough. He got suspended by the school in almost the same week as he got his heart broken by Maria. It’s like the two things he loved the most just vaporized into thin air. He was practically left with nothing.

THE AFTERMATH:

There was a point when Patrick still wanted to be with Maria even after the cheating. He really loved the girl, and sadly, I don’t think that could be said for Maria. He was even willing to forgive, to forget, and to make the stupid relationship work. Fortunately after a bumps on the head, he decided that it was stupid to go back with her. No communication, no late phone calls or messages, no nothing. I don’t even think Maria gave a sincere apology. Even when Patrick got sick and went to the hospital about a week later, he didn’t hear a word from Maria. Well, maybe it was all for the best. The no communication really helped Patrick rearrange his life and look things at a different perspective.

 

It breaks my heart to hear these stories. I mean, no person should go through this. Again, I’m not saying I was a perfect guy. I’ve had my share of “What were you thinking?!” kind of decisions when I was in a relationship. I know I’ve hurt people. I’m glad though that I realized my mistakes and I took the time to be really, and I mean really, feel guilty about them. I don’t think we intentionally hurt people, but sometimes our decisions have repercussions to others whether we know it affects them or not.

I have one more story to share in Part 3. I think the last one should be part of your all time WTH breakup stories.

 

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What’s The Worst Breakup You’ve Ever Heard? (Part 1)

heartache

I guess we all have a love story. Or in some cases, love stories. Some were good, some were bad, and some stories are still ongoing, while some ended too soon. There are some stories we’re able to look back to. These are the ones we can effortlessly flip through its pages with eyes of acceptance and understanding. More of often than not these are the love stories that eventually become stories about friendship.

However, before the understanding, acceptance, and even the friendship, there is also the sorrow, the loneliness, the chest-clinching, body-squirming, tear-streaming, downright “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS PAIN?!” feeling that you probable felt before. If you haven’t felt any of these emotions, good for you and shut up about your perfect little life. Haha. Okay I’ll stop with the bitterness. From fleeting memories and haunting dreams, we toss and turn trying to understand the reality of the one we loved is now gone. It’s a rollercoaster type of emotions and someone forgot to place the seatbelts. It’s one effed up ride man. The feeling of loneliness and pain from the loss of love are just some of the things that make us… human. If you have ever experienced any kind of loss, ESPECIALLY through a breakup (not including death), to you my dear friend, I give a solemn salute.

But now, we are to talk about the worst breakups that I have ever heard. We’re not going to talk about my breakups (Okay maybe I’ll slip in a couple of stories here and there), but from the people who entrusted their story to me. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been conversing with a couple of my friends. I’m not sure how, but I’ve slowly become a “counselor” to them, and of course I gave my own realizations here and there. Take note of the quotations on the counselor. I’m still working on to be a licensed psychologist. I’ll get there someday.

Anyway, through the numerous people I’ve talked to, I’ve narrowed them down to my top breakup stories. Call it my Hall of Fame of Breakups if you will.  Though people talking to me isn’t purely about love or the lack thereof, I mean they also talk to me about other stuff like sports, work, school, and other mumbo jumbo. But there’s something about a love story right? Or how about a love story that’s gone sour? People tend to be more open and real when they talk about matters of the heart.

For purposes of anonymity, I shall keep the names of the people secret. My friends don’t read my blog nowadays so that’s a good thing, but just in case they happen to stumble along this, it’s best to keep their story, their own.

By the looks of it, this topic will serve about 3 parts. This first is one is basically the introduction and the criteria of basing the Hall of Fame of breakups. In my opinion, they should be assessed over three things – The How, The Timing, and The Aftermath.

broken-heart-red-cartoon

The Criteria:

The HOW:

What was the method of killing? And yes, I’m using “killing” as my choice of verb. How did that person end things with you? Was it a straight away shot to the heart? Or a slow and poisonous death? The How is important because even though there are tons of people who’ve experienced a breakup but there are also the not so fortunate souls who underwent some serious heart surgery after an awful parting.

The TIMING:

Though timing is often irrelevant just because of the fact that a breakup is ALWAYS bad timing, the extra occasion behind the breakup can also be heart wrenching. Did you breakup on your anniversary? On her birthday? Like in the middle of the afternoon right before a big company meeting?

The AFTERMATH:

As in every breakup, the aftermath has its own story or drama. Those awkward conversations, the feeling of the person not replying, being “seen-zoned,” you not knowing who wants to be friends, all that crap, and the dreaded is-he/she-over-me-now? are all part of the aftermath. It’s an ugly process.

As you dive along with me in these stories, I hope you keep one thing in mind: DO NOT DO THESE BREAKUPS. EVER. That being said, I am not perfect. I too have been at fault for being an a-hole. I break hearts as much as people break mine. But for what’s it worth, I know the pain. Trust me on this one. As much as I am afraid of getting hurt by someone, I am more terrified with me hurting that someone.

Again, heartache and pain are just some of the things that make us incredibly alive and human.

Part 2 will be up soon!

 

 

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How Much Do You Love Others?

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In our world today, it’s really difficult to think about others. In a time when personal development, growth, and imaging, are so important, people often can’t help but think of themselves first. Sure, they can’t think about other people, heck, they can give charity and all that, but somehow their compassion for others are shallow. Everybody can give money to the poor and be nice to the people around them, but do they love?

How much do you love others? I mean really really love other people. I’m not just talking about your parents, friends, wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend, or whatever. Does your love also extend to other people? Do you love strangers or a person you just met? Are you genuinely interested in that person?

What does it mean to even love other people? The word “love” has been thrown around without meaning at times. What does it mean to say “to love others as much as yourself?”

To be honest, I don’t really know how this works. But in some divine intervention, I can’t stop thinking about other people. For the past couple of nights within a month or so, my friends have begun to consult me about their problems. I don’t know if it’s my psychology background or it’s my openness as a friend but I’ve begun to really feel the weight of their sorrows and stress.

On one hand, I’m glad they consult me not because I want to be known as a really good friend and all that BS, but because I get to help them. There’s a reason why we got to talk. There’s a reason that each person is going through something.

On some days however, I find that the weight of their troubles to be unbearable. Something changed in me that if someone feels bad, I don’t want to feel happy until that someone is happy as well. Is this loving others? If I really take “loving others as much as myself” literally, is this what it’s supposed to mean? So okay, if I love myself and I also love my neighbor, wouldn’t I do everything I can so that my neighbor can also be better?

Do you love the people in your workplace? Your neighbor? The people on the streets? Do you look at them with eyes of love and compassion or with fear and resentment? Walk around with love. Instead of merely talking to someone about another random conversation, talk to them with love. Give and sacrifice till it hurts because most of the time, that’s what love is. Empty yourself for others so that love can fill you.

It’s all about love not in a sugar-coated typical sense, but really giving your life to other people.

 

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How Do You Know When You’re Not Settling?

Here are two scenarios:

Scenario #1 – Let’s say you’re in a group of friends resembles that of Sex and The City. All girls – some are single, some maybe married, some with a boyfriend or who knows, even a girlfriend. The ages of the group can be in the mid 20’s or mid 30’s depending on which age group resembles more in your life. Now let’s narrow down the situation. In a group of five, the cosmos aligned and somehow everyone in the group gets married or at least get engaged and you’re the only one who’s not. To make matters worse, you’re as single as you can possibly with no boyfriend and no prospect in sight. Will you marry the first guy you meet out of “peer pressure?”

Scenario #2 – You’re in a current relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend. You’ve been together since college or a minimum of at least five years. You get the feeling he’s going to propose any time soon but somehow you’re scared if he asks. Your career is growing and you have the whole world ahead of you. When it comes to your boyfriend, you’re still in love with him. Nothing seems to be wrong about him and the relationship has been going on somewhat smoothly. You’re not unfaithful and besides, there aren’t really prospects running around to date you. But you’re scared if he suddenly drops to one knee and hands you a ring.

*****

When I asked my friends Cole and Bianca if they had a Pending Question about love, they both threw the question “How do you know when you’re not settling?” at me. First I thought this would be an interesting question to tackle but then I started to answer it on my own, I couldn’t quite I understand it. I asked them what they meant and they both gave various answers. The overall feeling however was that there was the uncertainty of choosing to settle down because of well, you’re settling for that person. Whether it’s by choice, circumstance, or even lack of options, some people may have married someone because they’re settling. Of course, I doubt that those same people would admit that they are settling.

Look at the two scenarios above. The first deals with peer pressure. If you can relate to that situation, you have probably felt out of place or like an extreme version of a 3rd wheel when you all go out. For women, the pressure not only comes from friends but on their own biological clock. They want to get married at a certain age if everything is set up – career, home, dreams, and the right time to have kids. More often than not, timing is everything. That’s why it gets tricky when you get to a certain age and you’re not married yet.

In the second situation, this works for men and women in any relationship. Some relationships seem to last longer than the others but maybe that’s just because they’re simply lasting. Maybe you still have unfulfilled dreams yet to achieve and you feel that marriage will bring you down. Worse, you may feel that your partner isn’t the “one.”

So what then is the solution? Is there even one?

Cole gave me an interesting answer to her interesting question.

“You know you’re not settling when there’s no fear.”

Again, I didn’t really know what she meant. She tried to explain it took a while for me to munch it down and understand it. If you don’t have that fear with the person you’re with, I guess you do know that things will be okay and not settling. Maybe I’m not in that point yet but I think I will truly understand it one day.

Couples don’t often think about “settling for a person” and rarely do they even admit it, but settling down in marriage doesn’t mean you have to settle with a person. If it’s true love, then you can go at it. Like all other decisions, being with someone shouldn’t be clouded by circumstance, pressure, and fear. When you’ve got everything figured out and someone asks you to marry him or her, you can honestly say “absofuckinglutely!” ala Mr. Big.

 

 

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Can Love Reveal Itself In Dreams?

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Love and Dreams don’t often come together. In fact, they rarely do. Even if you do dream about your lover, ex, future husband/wife, there’s no confirmation and you’re just left with assumptions. The mind just plays tricks on you and you’re there lying in your bed wondering what it all meant. It’s tricky, unreliable, and frustrating.

I never thought that relationships could reveal itself in any other situation other than facing that person face to face let alone through dreams. I mean, I’ve dreamed about myself, my friends, even my exes, but they hardly brought any meaning. If anything, they confused me even more.

The story I’m about to share is apparently a true one as told by my friend Bianca. I can’t remember all the details, just the important ones, heck, I don’t even remember what we were talking about before she got into the story.

So it goes like this:

A Boy and a Girl were in love.

Tragically, the Girl and her family were killed leaving the Boy utterly devastated.

The Boy met a new girl but was hesitant in diving in deeper into the relationship because he didn’t know what his old Girl would say.

Now the tricky part, the dream.

One night, the Boy dreamed about his Girl. He saw that she was holding his hand and somehow carrying it into someone else’s hand. He didn’t see who was the person in front of her but he just knows that his Girl gave his hand to someone else. The Boy told his dream to his current girlfriend. Surprisingly, his new girl also had a dream.

In her dream, he saw the Boy’s hand being given to him from somebody. She wasn’t able to see who was with his Boy but they were able to hold each other’s hand because of that somebody.

You can probably put the pieces together right? I don’t even have to say what it all meant. If that isn’t a sign I don’t know what is. That was freaky and pretty amazing. I wish I could have one of these dreams though. Recently I’ve been dreaming a lot and I even dreamt about two separate dreams in one night but never like the story above. The ones I have about love… love for food and sports. Not exactly romantic but hey I’ll take it.

 

 

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How Do You Approach Valentine’s Day?

istockphoto_10272324-valentine-s-day-kid-lovers-with-heart-cartoon

 

Valentine’s Day has always brought about different reactions from people all over the globe. Though there is a significant line that divides the single people and the people who actually have a date on V-day, this line does get more complicated if you take a closer look.

The young people are the ones that commonly celebrate Valentine’s Day. Budding lovers from teenagers to young adults, touch into their inner sweet side and give gifts, flowers, love letters, and whatnot. Random fact: In the United States, Americans spend nearly FIFTEEN billion dollars on Valentine’s Day, one billion cards will be sent out (which is second only to Christmas), 20% of women will send roses to themselves, 3% of you will send something to their pets.

But what if you’re the type of girl who doesn’t like all the mushy stuff? What if you’re the guy who just won’t bend down to the world and even call all the celebrations a shenanigan? What if your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t celebrate this day and you’re the only one who’s really into it? What if you’re the couple who thinks going out just for the sake of Valentine’s is such a drag?

Valentine’s Day is also celebrated by married couples and maybe even older ones like our grandparents. On paper, married couples should be a testament of love as marriage is the ultimate symbol of the union of two souls. They should be a symbol for all young people that true love does exist. Married couples are an inspiration, our hope, our future, our…. Okay I’ll stop. Who am I kidding? Nowadays married couples have probably about 1/5 chances of lasting and those who do last, are they even really happy? How do married men and married women see Valentine’s Day? Isn’t it still kinda sweet when we see old people hold hands? But what if we also see a businessman out on a V-day but clearly is with his hot young mistress and not his wife? What if you’re watch salesman and you just sold a $300 watch to a woman who says she’s giving it to her other lover?

Single people I believe have more complications than those who have a significant other. How do you see Valentine’s Day if you’ve been single you’re whole life? What if you’ve been searching for someone for so long? What if you just recently broken up with someone? Are you bitter as hell? What if you’re afraid to give a gift to your friend thus rocking the boat on your friendship while trying to rise from the friendzone? What if you just simply don’t care what day it is?

Whether you care or not, whether you celebrate the day or don’t, fact of the matter is, it’s still in the calendar. The magnitude of the holiday transcends all feelings – good or bad, which affects people one way or another.

What got me thinking however is what would St. Valentine feel if he saw all the Valentine hoopla today? Would he approve of it? Would he scoff at what society has made the holiday to be? Would he be surprised at the attention it gets every year? Is this what he intended love to be?

There are different but still related accounts pointing to the history of Valentine’s Day. Centuries ago, it was a Roman festival celebrated by the people. They’d first celebrate the feast of Juno wherein women put their names inside a jar and random boys will pick the names up. They then pin the names on themselves (which brought the term “putting your heart on your sleeve”) and find the girl that matches the name. The boy and the girl would hang out for a week to celebrate the feast of Lupercalia. In most cases, the couples would get married after. Seems like a pretty cool set up right? It’s like a different case of arranged marriage.

So how does St. Valentine come in?

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The emperor at that time (I think it was Claudius) didn’t like the idea of people getting married left and right. Primarily because his soldiers started to fall in love and get married and they chose to just stay at home with their wives rather than go into battle. That couldn’t be good for an empire right? So the emperor banned marriages altogether. However, a guy named Valentine believed in love. A pastor at that time, Valentine would marry people secretly. He would whisper the vows for young couples so that marriages could still happen. Unfortunately, he got caught and was sent to prison. There at prison he met the daughter of the jailer whom he fell in love with. On the day he was supposed to be executed he wrote a letter to his lover ending with the words “your Valentine.”

During the 5th century, the Church thought about a way to redefine love in terms of Christianity. They chose Valentine. They wanted to redefine the feast of Lupercalia and represent what love truly is. Though it’s a farfetched version of what Christ did on the cross, maybe they simply wanted people to believe that a man can display love in its purest form. Against an emperor who wanted to abolish the union of two people, he pressed on and made sure that couples would be together despite the fear of being caught. Also in the most dangerous circumstances, he found love in prison of all places. He believed in the power of love and what it could do to people. He died single and had no children but that didn’t stop him from believing in love, sharing it with others, finding someone to be with, and finally risking for love despite getting his head chopped off.

[Random fact: There are about a dozen or more saints named Valentine plus a pope! The one I’m talking about is St. Valentine of Rome. However, there are still several slightly varied accounts of him. I chose to stick with this version in any case.]

Maybe St. Valentine didn’t intend for a holiday. I’m sure he wasn’t thinking of that when he was in prison. He simply believed in love – love for another person, love for a wife, and love for what he believed to be pure and true. He believed in a love that encompasses all and precedes all.

We all have our own expectations or apprehensions towards Valentine’s Day. In one way or another, we’ve experienced love in its various forms. We may have experienced love and also the inevitable heartaches that come with it. It can be as simple and heartwarming as being a young boy and giving a flower to your crush or as extreme and saddening as a husband leaving his wife. For whatever your feelings may be, for whatever situation you are in right now, single or married, in a relationship or not, heartbroken or not, I genuinely hope we all find a love that surpasses anything and worth risking everything just like St. Valentine’s.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

 

(This serves as my Valentine’s post plus my entry to a Writing Challenge here at WordPress: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/10/writing-challenge-valentine/)

 

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