Some people are good planners. They make careful calculations on how to proceed on a certain task and then they execute with precise precision. I’d like to say I’m one of those good planners, but I’m really not.
I used to try to do the whole “go with the flow” type of approach in life but that didn’t really get me anywhere. One of my worst fears in life is closing your eyes for a bit in the present, and then waking up all of a sudden in the middle of the night when you’re 60 years old. It’s like blinking from one moment onto the next.
This fear has led me to, or has dutifully forced me to think of the future with more caution. But how in the world do I do that? Do I dream big like I’m part of a Disney movie or something? Do I go Frank Underwood ala House of Cards and manipulate, extort, and connive my way onto the top? What should I do?
It’s cheesy to say to trust in the man above. It’s too… oh how do I put it… preachy. I mean, all of the things I’ve done or have accomplished have been orchestrated by some supernatural force that can’t be explained. It’s weird to explain, really. Nearly all of the work I’ve been getting are landing on my lap. It’s weird and it’s strange.
So what do I do? Do I wait for another something to land on my lap or do I take my matters into my own hands and plan my life ahead like a model son?
In the end I just want to do good – good in a sense I just want to do what I feel is right. As much this is about my life and my goals, there are people around me. It’s not that I overly go out of my way to help people but more of the fact that I realize there are people around me who support me and in turn I can support myself. Or even if I feel that I don’t have any support, and even the people closest to me who don’t believe in me, I must march on and do what I think is best.
Change is coming. I can feel it. I can sense it. All I want to do is to change myself first before the environment around me changes first.