What Do You Pray For?

Jamal noticed how William was putting on his socks inside and out.

Curious as to why someone would do such a thing, he asks William what he’s doing.

William says that in some cultures they believed wearing your socks inside and out would bring luck.

Jamal blurts out, “and you believe that shit?”

And to that William replies, “No… But it’s like prayer, what’s the risk?”

 ***

Lately I’ve been struggling to pray. The feeling is similar to going into a swimming pool and your feet are just testing the water. Sometimes I take a deep breath, ready to jump, then I just chicken out. That’s the thing with prayer or anything else for that matter. You may be doing something all your life but when you stop doing it, you get a little rusty. The words were already in my head; it was just a matter of saying them out loud or at least saying them out loud in my head. But no matter how hard I try, I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to because I think I already know what the big guy upstairs is going to say. I know the things that I want and I’m pretty those are the things that He doesn’t want. It’s like asking something from your parents and you already know that the answer would be no. So I just shut up and do something else.

A few days later, it occurred to me however that instead of praying for myself, why don’t I pray for other people? That wouldn’t be all that bad would it? Like instead of praying that my clients will pay me already, what if I pray for my old officemates who are struggling while getting crappy pay? Instead of praying that things will be better here at home, what if I focus on my friend’s family where they can’t even secure a home because of financial reasons? Instead of drowning in my writing problems, maybe I can think about my friend and how she’s having a difficult time with her grades? Will God listen to me then?

I don’t want to sound too selfless, condescending, or even a martyr but I’m just tired about thinking about my own shit that I just want to think about other people’s shit. I know things won’t be better for me for at least a couple of more months (or even years, gulp!) so why not reach out to others who have a better chance than me? I’m just tired of disappointing and pressuring myself that I’ll amount to something big one day.

This is a very weird feeling and I’m not even sure if the big guy will listen, but hey, what’s the risk right?

 

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