When you grow up to become a man of your own, you slowly realize that your father is simply a man himself. A man filled with emotions, dreams, and passions. He can be a man of integrity and a man of great will who truly deserves to be a symbol of the family. At the other end of spectrum, I’ve realized that this same man who is the forefront of the family has also dark edges that surrounds him. At this point my life, I can look at my own self and realize that my father isn’t perfect. I look at myself and realize even though I have desires to be a good person, there are also demons inside of me that say otherwise which means that my father probably goes through the same things everyday.
Most children see their dad as a superhero or someone they can look up to. I’m not saying that I don’t look up to my own, but I look up to him despite his imperfections. My dad is probably the most impatient person I know. As I got older and count my mistakes as part of growing up, I know how hard it is to be a superhero for somebody.
As I reflect on my father, I also know that there are a lot of people who have struggling relationships with their dad. One friend of mine shared to me long ago that she always had trouble getting through her dad. It was a mixture of hate and apathy for a very long time. I mean she probably cared for her a whole lot but I guess it can only reach a certain point. Her dad simply wasn’t there a whole lot. His work takes most of his time, but even in his free time, he often spends golfing with his buddies. It came to a point that my friend thought that his dad was cheating on her mom. I’m not really sure what happened but I hope everything is alright. I don’t know the situation there now plus I’m not saying that the father is a bad person, I’m just saying that there’s a struggle.
I have another friend, but in her case, her father did cheat. His family was relatively old with all the kids graduated from college already and everyone has jobs and all that. Then the dad goes and cheats with someone. I just don’t get that. I tried to wrap my head around it and I just couldn’t understand. My friend said it perfectly, “No daughter deserves to go through this.” She was right. After months of hate and not seeing each other, the family was again under one roof. The wife forgave her husband eventually. But you know what, my friend still struggles to forgive her father to this very day.
I don’t even know what’s the point in writing all this. Maybe it’s my age speaking or I just this struggle with people more often now. Even though I see the difficulties of being a man, I’m not making excuses and I don’t want to belittle the struggles people have with their fathers or with their parents altogether. God knows I struggle with it everyday. Actually I’m not even thinking about making my relationship with them better, I’m already thinking ahead in the future. If I do become a parent one day, I hope my kid sees me for all that I am both the good and the bad. I want him to realize that despite my faults, he can still call me his superhero.