Right off the bat, I want to stress that I don’t know everything that is to know about marriages. In fact, I’m single and the longest relationship I ever had was about two years. I’ve never experienced living in with someone and totally support another person through thick and thin. What I know is that marriages are supposed to be sacred, at least supposedly through God’s eyes. In my little time here on earth I’ve known happy couples who have been together for a long time and had happy children and all that, but I also know the reality of divorce and the possibility of marrying the wrong person or at the wrong time.
I’ve grown an interest in writing about marriages because I’ve realized now the value of loving someone but more than that, I’ve learned that there is a purpose of a marriage that two people must pursue. Maybe also that the reality of marriage and children are slowly coming into play as I see my friends tying the knot and settling down. Maybe we’re in that age but there are more and more people getting married nowadays. Looking at my own life, it made me wonder how marriages last and what is the whole point of getting married in the first place.
As an unmarried man, and I believe some people see this as well, we see the joy and the beauty of marriages. We have grown up in a society wherein we see through our relatives, family friends, and even in our own parents that marriage is supposed to be a good thing. However, there is also the sad reality of seeing unhappy couples and even some parents that just go through the daily grind of life and living as though marriage wasn’t for the better. I thought of a couple of reasons why unhappy or failed marriages exist.
1. He or She is not the “One”
To be honest, I’m not sure I even believe in this. Primarily because two people decide to get married because the other person is willing to grow old with the other person. It’s not a quick and simple decision that you just make. By the time you actually decide to get married, you must be sure that the person is really the person you want to be with the rest of your life. In another perspective, it’s not so much as you’re a hundred percent sure that he or she is the one, but maybe you yourself are sure that you are able to love that person no matter what. If you don’t believe in yourself to love, maybe that’s the problem in the first place.
2. You got married for the wrong reasons
The most obvious reason why people get married is the fact that they’ve been together long enough and the only logical next step is marriage. All our lives we’ve been told to go to school, get a degree, find a job, get married, have kids, and then happily ever after. I mean, if you’ve been with someone for X number of years, the only next step is marriage right? I even remember my Theology teacher back in college. He’s a priest and he has this “5 year rule.” He says that when two people have been together for 5 years, they should either get married already or call it quits. He believes that 5 years is the optimum time to determine marriage and going beyond that number is already wasting time to be married. But is time really a significant factor? Is marriage really the next logical step?
Another side to this is the reality of having children first before marriage. Young couples are somewhat forced to marry because of a birth of a child. Though I know this isn’t true across the board as I’ve seen friends have a kid first, marry, but also love each other, but I also know there are those who simply get married because there’s no choice.
Life always gets in the way of almost everything. By life I mean just the load of work, family, time, and just basically the costs and pressures of living daily. Couples can get worn out with a routine of doing the same things over again and this is true for a lot of people who’ve been married for a long time. This is not just about losing the spark or getting bored with each other. Two people might still be in love when they get older but the harsh realities of life make it difficult to make things work all the time. Of course this is just my theory and it will be unfortunate if I experience this when I get older.
These are just three possible reasons why there are unhappy or failed marriages. In part 2 of this, I will try to explain in a more biblical context.